I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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