dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
