Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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