i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
