This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
