I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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