You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
