my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we're making bets on your personal life
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
