She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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