I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Enjoy the penises
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
