He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
