after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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