you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
