So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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