just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
