wanna go halves on a baby?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
