Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Everything about him screamed your future.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
