I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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