Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
