i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
