We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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