Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
