filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
