Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He did a backflip because drugs
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