my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Your penis caused this!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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