Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
