ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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