So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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