redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
