Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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