you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
