Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
