i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
