i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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