We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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