So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
