You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
