there was a trapeze. enough said
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
