What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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