one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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