I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
