Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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