If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
