If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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