You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
