I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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