Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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