It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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