sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
