If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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