I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
