I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
