When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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