he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
