Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
