Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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