i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
