If i come over, it means nothing
You just made me feel so damn special
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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