Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Everyone says I win the strip club
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
