Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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