I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
