literally had 100 drinks last night.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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