did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
